Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
