Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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