Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
