I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
