The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
