he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize