You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
