STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
