so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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