It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
