If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize