You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
