he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize