It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
