***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
