It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
