so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize