Porn is love you can see.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
