I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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