Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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