the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize