the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
