its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
