just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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