why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
