I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
