I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
