dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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