Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
