New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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