Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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