we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
