Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize