now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
