there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
