my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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