woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
