Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
