I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
