...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
