): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
