I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
