When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
