Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
