he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
