the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
