OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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