It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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