We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
