I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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