the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
