Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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