It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
