Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
