I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
