how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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