i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
