You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
