a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Panties = found
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