if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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