Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
