dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
