she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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