Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
