I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
