"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
