that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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